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Friday
Apr162010

Heart Skipped A Beat

Lately, I've been taking recess - at least 15-20 minutes a day - and either learning new songs on the guitar (which you've seen on my videos)- or looking for musical gems.  They don't have to be new songs- they just have to help me feel, again.

I've been pretty numb since I moved. 

Lately, music has helped me re-claim some parts of me that I was denying.  Kinda like a paraplegic that can still feel his phantom wings - I can still feel the amputated parts of my little dreams.  They'd stopped even tingling - until music re-awoken them.  I've forgotten how GOOD it feels to strap on a pair of headphones - drown out the world - and confront the way you really feel, head on.

The universe inside my mind is quite lovely - in a Tim Burton meets Ansel Adams sort of way.  There's heartbreak there, too...but, I've found that it usually elicits my most brilliant ideas, my most creative work.  Usually, as I lay in my bed - headphones blaring - I imagine whatever sort of dream I wish.  Usually, there are sprawling fields, and if I run hard enough - I can soar above them.  Sometimes music takes me away from the things that hurt - and sometimes, it brings things back for a re-visit.  I can always feel my heart stretching wider during these sorts of soul sessions.  I'm so thankful for these songs, most recently - because they're a lot like old friends.  Reassuring and Truthful.

I've found a few songs that made me cry upon first listen. 

"In Sleep" - by Lissie

I lay awake at night and pray
Not to see the light of day
I wonder how to behave right
He has left me such a mess
Counting to protest
My mind can't get no rest

Fast asleep where I keep my memories
Calling me out in dreams,
He visits me
What will be
Will I see him again soon
oh oh oh oh

Why am I so terrified of waking
He's gone and I'm feel I've been forsaken
In sleep is the only place I get to see him, get to love him

The scene, a city after dawn
Becomes a field of corn
And I've had this one before

Fast asleep where I keep my memories
Calling me out in dreams,
He visits me
What will be
Will I see him again soon
oh oh oh oh

Why am I so terrified of waking
He's gone and I'm feel I've been forsaken
In sleep is the only place I get to see him, get to love him

I know that when the story ends,
the one that's in my head,
Well I'll be alone again

Why am I so terrified of waking
he's gone and I feel I've been forsaken
in sleep is the only place I get to see him, get to love him
Be with him
I love him, I love him, I love him

I've found a few that made my heart skip a beat. 

"Heart Skipped a Beat" by The XX

Please don't say we're done
When I'm not finished
I could give you so much
Make you feel, like never before
Welcome, they said welcome to the floor

It's been a while
And you've found someone better
But I've been waiting too long to give this up
The more I see, I understand
But sometimes, I still need you

Sometimes, I still need you

I was struggling to get in
Left waiting outside your door
I was sure
You'd give me more

No need to come to me
When I can make it all the way to you
You made it clear
You weren't near
Near enough for me

Heart skipped a beat
And when I caught it you were out of reach
But I'm sure, I'm sure
You've heard if before

 

I've found a few that remind me that I really am happy to be alive. 

 

"Objects of my Affection" by Peter, Bjorn, and John

I remember when, when i first moved here,
A long time ago,
´cause i heard some song i used to hear back then,
A lone time ago.
I remember when, even further back,
In another town,
´cause i saw something written i used to say back then,
Hard to comprehend

And the question is, was i more alive
Then than i am now?
I happily have to disagree;
I laugh more often now, i cry more often now,
I am more me.

But of cause some days, i just lie around
And hardly exist,
And can´t tell apart what i´m eating
From my hand or my wrist.
´cause flesh is flesh, flesh as flesh as flesh,
The difference is thin.
But life has a certian ability or breating new
Life into me,
So i breathe it in.
It says here we are, and we all are here,
And you still can make sense,
If you just show up and present an honest face,
Instead of that grin.

And the other day, this new friend of mine
Said something to me
"just because something starts differently,
Doesn´t mean it´s worth less."
And i soaked it in, how i soaked it in,
How i soaked it in
And just as to prove how right he was,
Then you came.
So i´m gonna give, yes i´m gonna give,
I´m gonna give you a try,
So i´m gonna give, yes i´m gonna give,
I´m gonna give you a try

And, a couple that make me just feel really like dancing, jumping, laughing.

"Crown on the Ground" by Sleigh Bells

 You never doubted it,
You're so proud of it,
(???)
There's no doubt of it,
You couldn't care less,
You love goodness,
You think it's endless, endless, endless,
You think it's gotta diss,
It doesn't bother us,
No, nobody know never knew about it,
And in the spotlight,
You get to sit tight,
You wanna hit that, ahh, ahh,

Set, set that crown on the ground and-ah, (x6)
Ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah ah-ah,
Ah, ah-ah, ah-ah,

You need to know how,
To say you'll backtrack,
Between the clear bag,
Somewhere in your habitat,
You have a little thing,
You think you're bothering,
The class is ending, ending, ending,
You never did know,
You don't wanna know,
There's another show playing in your window,
The perm'nent thought of you,
Is (???) through,
You're gonna have to, have to, have to,

Set, set that crown on the ground and-ah, (x6)
Ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah ah-ah,
Ah, ah-ah, ah-ah,

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