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I've been thinking a lot about the connections we all share - that same life that lights up each of our eyes and fills our lungs with breath.

I've been contemplating how lifetimes of love and experience can be shared between people in a few moments or years - that's why you can be young, but feel so old.

Death or disconnection is such a powerful, spiritually altering experience.

Experience, then change, can leave YOU changed.  It doesn't matter if the change is sudden or not.  (Death vs a slowly dying relationship.)

When I really tune in to what my heart is FEELING - it is a resounding pain for the people who I've loved and since lost.  This can be a living person, too.  Moving away from friends, family, certain lifestyles - it's all being mourned, right now.  I need some wisdom from the conversations we used to have.  I'm fearful I'll never know a connection like that again.  

I live in a beautiful city - with a wonderful husband & our cat & dog.  I understand that I have much to be grateful for, right now.  I do love being here and I do NOT want to discount how much I enjoy being here...

I'm just saying.  I miss my friends in Texas, OK & Miami.  I miss my Nana.  My Grandma Banks.  Reed.

The list could go on... 

So - lately I've been trying to focus on the connection I shared with all of them - and how it is still present in my life, now.  For instance, when a U2 or Depeche Mode song comes on the radio - I'm going to smile and dance in my seat and think about Reed.  And, that helps me to make new friends or it enhances the beauty of this new scenery.  I feel like he's in the passenger seat - playing keyboard on the dashboard - and pointing out things as we pass through this Southern California scene.  I am beginning to recognize that when another person lights up and begins to sing along with Bono - they share something kindred with me & with Reed...and, so the Connection continues.

Sometimes, I'll just sit quietly and send my thoughts strongly and intently toward a person - or toward the greater conscousness (God).  And, I'll be grateful - just so, so grateful - that I got to know that person.  My friend taught me to do that when you miss a person.  And, it has helped me so much.

I know it's a rambler - but, I think that's exactly where I'm supposed to be right now...rambling along in the present and recongizing the Connection.



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