bits and pieces

life is good.

i am happy.

i spend most of my time thinking, presently and in the moment, about how grateful i am.
for the sunny weather.
the ocean breeze.
relationships.
spirituality.
quiet.
sunshine.
understanding.
peace.

i feel good right now.

life is good.

and, that's quite a feat, really, for me. and, it's something to note.

you see, the entire time i've walked this planet,
and since i can remember.

i've worried.

i have had so much fear.

my entire life.

so, working through it. acknowledging it, and rising above it has been liberating.

being out here alone is very very scary. and tiring.
lonely.
overwhelming.
humbling.
quieting.
disquieting.
amazing.

i've worked through late night jitters, walking down the darkened venice streets
to swimming in the salty, sea water-and playing and tumbling myself in the surf. i'm experiencing so much, and so much of it is affecting me, and changing me-in a really, really good way.

i'm learning to love the girl that i am. and, to love my own skin.

i find myself quite charming, at times. and, am amused at my inner discourse between the fearful and the brave sides of me. being alone isn't easy.
but, i've heard it said that "courage is not the absence of fear. courage is being fearful, but doing it, anyway."

sometimes, just leaving the house can be hard. but then, once i'm out there-there's too much to take in to be lonely or scared. well, most of the time.

and, i'm reminded of a younger hillary. who ran all over london taking pictures of everything! "even the trashcans are pretty!" i remember writing that in my journal.

i need to re-kindle some of that curiosity. which has, precisely, been my focus of the summer. to be brave. to explore this new world.

to experience the now.

i've learned to appreciate the farmers market.


and to cook, organically. (i'm practicing so i can cook healthily for the rest of my life-and hopefully make it taste good, too.) it's easier to practice when you live alone-because you don't have to worry about feeding someone else if it tastes like crap-or looks like crap. but, i'm hoping to perfect a few dishes before i cook for elliott again. this was roasted vegetables from the local farmers market and a home-made pizza on wheat crust with tomatos, peppers, mushrooms, cheese, onions, & cilantro on mariniara. i was really seriously proud of it! and everything was freshly chopped, and picked by me!



i've gone to a reggae show with a stranger from the drum circle-the same day i met her


and learned that strangers and friends all come full circle, and can all be close friends in the end (i just met kai on this day-and kasey and i have been friends for years.)



i've spent a significant amount of time thinking about elliott, and what we'd be up to if i were at home
i think about the days i'm missing on the boat and then i remember elliott would probably tell me, "woman! you're in cali! go outside!" kinda like this:



and i spend a lot of time reading and writing


and dreaming up how i'm gonna finally decorate when i get home.


i'll try to keep you updated more often.

life is really beautiful right now, and i want to share more of it.

i hope you'll do the same!

with love from the california coastline,
hillary