An Outside Perspective

I ran across a neat blog at : www.whitehottruth.com

The most recent post was encouraging readers to ask a trusted friend for some perspective on yourself.  The questions listed are quality - and, I find myself wondering - what would the answers be, for me?

 

: What do you think is my greatest strength?
: How would you describe my style?
: What do you think I should let go of?
: When do you feel that I am at my best?
: What do you wish I were less of, for my sake?
: When have you seen me looking my most fabulous?
: What do you think I could give myself more credit for or celebrate more?

 

If you feel so compelled, send it on - the insight you gain may just be the motivation you needed.

Hillary BanksComment
Wednesday & Thursday's Recess

I have a whole host of doubts that like to sing choruses in my head.  They like to tell me things like, "You're wasting a perfectly good canvas."  And, "You'll be laughed at if you show anyone this."  

 

But, the defiant little girl inside of me screams at the top of her lungs and quiets them all - "Quiiiiiiieeeet!  I'm CrEaTiNg here - and I mustn't  be distracted by little ninnies, like you."  

 

I prefer to use the word "ninnie" to describe those horrid voices in my head, anyway.  Makes them sound as equally ridiculous as they really are.  Where in the world do those voices come from anyway - and where did they learn to HATE me so well?  I wish I were kinder to myself in most ways - but especially when I'm creating.  Painting.  Writing. Singing.  Attempting to play the guitar.  If I could just push mute on my brain when this is happening - well, that WOULD be heavenly.  As a matter of fact, I think it IS heavenly when you can - even if it is just for a few moments.  And, heaven can be practiced at little increments of time - here and there.  Oh, look, I just went two whole sentences - without ripping myself to shreds!  Here's to progress!  

 

This "heavenly" silence is something I'm cultivating through focused effort. Kinda like meditating - only the meditation is on self-love.  Self-Kindness.  Self-boasting instead of self-loathing.

 

And, I liken it to releasing myself from my own prision.  I liken it to the rubbing of a genie bottle.  With some coaxing, and some polishing - this beautiful, otherworldly creature will emerge.  She'll excite me with the newness of her vision - and with a wink of her eyes - she'll silence those inner critics, once and for all.  Ninnies that they are...

 

So, for the past couple of recesses - I've been painting this very image.  Bringing it forth from my mind - and onto that perfectly poised canvas.

It's a work in progress - but, it's been so fun to play with swirling colors - of my own choosing.  The smoothness of a freshly painted line - the transparency of watercolors.  It's been an experiment for the past three days - and it's been so rewarding.

 

Tuesday's Recess
Tuesday's recess was a full half hour of dancing. All over the house. In my striped athletic knee socks, and with Jack jumping along beside me. We danced in the living room, we danced in the kitchen, we break danced in the hallway, and moonwalked through the laundry room. We did the chicken dance, and we walked it out - and I laughed and laughed when I saw the UPS guy looking through the door at Jack and I - as we danced to MGMT. Dancing is one of the best ways that I know to lift my mood - in just a few seconds. It raises my heart rate, gets my mind thinking on other things entirely - (like the beat of the song) - and gets your blood flowing - which lifts my mood, so quickly. You don't have to dance for an entire half hour. It was kinda difficult to do that...honestly, I kept hearing the phone ring - or thinking of other things to do: but, when I was just letting go and dancing - I was having so much fun! I think that's part of the challenge with recesses, for me: Letting go and allowing myself to have fun. By allowing, I mean - actually giving myself permission to be silly for 30 minutes before I get back to the "serious" work at hand. Like emails, and expense reports, and budgeting. Etc, etc. To inspire you: here's one of my favorite dancers of the moment - in two of his performances from Ellen. You're gonna love this kid: Now, go-dance!
Monday's Recess

Monday's Recess was my one last deliberate frollock through a peppermint tea Christmas-time dreamland.  I just had to get drunk on Christmas Cheer, one more time - before I could really put it away.  Especially as rushed as this Christmas was - what with the Recession Busting in on Thanksgiving and giving me a swift kick in the shin.  

I just kinda felt like my "favorite" time of the year shuffled on past me while I was stumbling around all December- stunned by the prospects of having to move away from Texas - and I missed most of the Christmas fun.  Well, Monday's Recess was a reclamation of some of that lost time, I suppose.  

It was all inspired by the last three peppermint candies that I had.  These candies are my favorite candy of the entire year.  You know the type.  I think Brach's makes them, and they have a Christmas Tree in the center of a peppermint nougat.  I look forward to them alllllll year long - and will use any excuse to eat one any time I have them in my sights.  I mean, they are a RARITY, are they not?  I only get them once a year.  They are what deliciousness is to me - deliciousness all dolled up for Christmas.  And, with the final three staring me in the face - I had to make this a MoMeNt.  One to remember all year long - while I'm waiting to taste their sweetness again in 2009.

So, on Monday I had a tea break - and I checked out my Christmas magazines that I never had the time to read during the rush of the season.  And, I savored my little mint candies.  It was awesome.  

My tree has been tucked into the attic for a couple of weeks, now.  But, it was cool to do just one last little dip into holiday nostalgia, again - for goodness sake.

And, I even caught myself whistling later that afternoon.  Christmas songs!  Funny how just a little bit of "time out" thinking about/doing the things we love can impact us for the rest of the afternoon!

(I have to admit - my life is benefitting, gReAtLy, from RECESS!  So much more to come!)

 

PS.  My roommate from London used to remind me - you CAN substitute Crown Royal for tea, in a pinch.  No one's usually the wiser...

 

Hillary BanksComment
Esther
I've been a little frazzled the past week or so - I hope I don't ever have to go so long between posting here, again. I know that having a successful blog requires regular posts about topics that go along a similar thread - so I'm hoping that I'll get that "thread" figured out sooner, rather than later. For now, what I seek to do with this web-site is to encourage. If that doesn't come across in some of the ramblings, I hope you'll remind me. But, sometimes encouragement comes from knowing that someone shares in a similar struggle as yourself. So, my writings may not all be sunshine and roses - but, I do hope that they remind you that you are not alone. And, beneath all of the different experiences we have - love can usually be found at the heart of it all. Love & Encouragement - that's what you'll find here. Oh, and some random acts of Hillary-ness. Like "Recess" - My experiment with recess for the past week or so has been a raging success! In fact, I've taken a few photos, and really plan to devote an entire post to sharing with you about my recesses, this past week - so more to come on that - but, seiously...ya'll better schedule some recess time on your calendar, right now - TODAY. I'm serious. It's that important. You'll also find me writing, from time to time, about my soul-searching that I tend to do. I like to read the bible - and I like to search my soul - always seeking to re-connect / commune with God. I like to feel like what I'm doing is in alignment with Him. Reading the bible, first thing in the morning - with a hot cup of tea or coffee - and the sunshine coming through the windows in my living room - that is the ideal way to begin every day. Usually, I'll just crack open my bible and read a bit - then write what I'm thinking / praying about in my journal. Sometimes, I'll have a book that I'll read along with my bible as a reference. Like, for Christmas, my Momma got me the Joyce Meyer's "100 Ways to Simplify Your Life" and I'll read a Chapter each morning - then look up the cooresponding verses in my bible - and spend a little time reading & thinking on them. This sort of resets my brain, calms my mind, and helps me to go into the day reminded of who I truly am - and who I truly belong to. It refreshes my faith - and drives away my fears. It's an excellent way to begin the day - in God's Word. Anyway, Stephanie encouraged me to check out this weekly bible study she's doing at Pine Forest Baptist Church on the book of Esther. It's a Beth Moore study series called "Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman" - and I went last week with four of my favorite women on this planet : Stephanie, Lauren, Ashley, and Elliott's Mom, Linda. We had such a great time - and I've really been enjoying reading and studying this book, so far. I wanted to share the trailer for the series with you, below. Hope you enjoy it. I'll post some recess stuff, next. :) And, I'll try to get more regular on the postings, too, guys. Thanks for reading, Hill
Writing on the Wall -

I love to read a handful of web-sites that help me to simplify and be more productive.  Wellll, guess what?  One of those web-sites (www.unclutterer.com) has selected my Home Office as their work-space of the week!  I am so thrilled about it!  

You can take a look at their site here:

http://unclutterer.com/2009/01/09/workspace-of-the-week-wall-writing/comment-page-1/#comment-26331

 

Those of you who know me, know that my office was a major project of mine in 2008 - and it has helped me to create a balanced (and more zen) work life.  

If you haven't, yet, you owe it to yourself to spruce up your work environment.  

The unclutterer.com FlickR photo pool has lots of ideas to motivate you, too!  And, the site offers great tips on how to simplify your entire life - not just your office.  Check it out!

What happens when you stifle creativity?

"Every day we slaughter our finest impulses.  That is why we get a heartache when we read the lines written by the hand of a master and recognize them as our own, as the tender shoots which we stifled because we lacked the faith to believe in our own powers, our own criterion of truth and beauty.  Every man, when he gets quiet, when he becomes desperately honest with himself, is capable of uttering profound truths."  -Henry Miller

We are all creative individuals.  You may not think of yourself as such, but it is true!  Whether it's deciding what pair of shoes to wear today - or deciding how to cook your eggs in the morning - all of our lives are speckled with moments of creativity - moments when YOU decide what tastes, looks, smells, or feels good.  

Think about it like this - when we were six, we all were artists.  We all drew, painted, sang, danced, and created all manner of imaginary worlds in which to play.  Somewhere along the way, we began to quiet our unique voice - because we thought that there was something more sensible, adult, or productive that we could be doing with our time.  

What could possibly be more important than creating and expressing?  Isn't even our God called the Great Creator?  He hard-wired each of us to also have a longing and a desire to express our uniqueness in various ways.  This is what is your gift.  Perhaps it is fashion, or cooking, or making music - but, each of us have been "gifted" with something.  To not give that gift to the world is the ultimate selfish act.  Not one other person in all eternity will ever see the world the way you see it.  So, by all means - share!

Yet, an awful lot of people are suppressing their creativity.  Stifling that still, small voice - until it's barely audible. Perhaps you're able to appease that voice - by doodling while you're on the phone - or learning guitar cover songs for a spell.  That's like feeding a hungry child a diet consisting only of ramen noodles and water and expecting them to be happy and healthy.  It's not enough substance to holistically nurture and replenish. Neither are your lame attempts at doodling during that boring Sales Meeting.  No, we must first determine that we will re-introduce ourselves to that inner artist - and that daily, we will seek to see things through that creative viewpoint.  And, what's more - we must commit to allowing that voice of ours a moment or two each day - to teach us something, to show us the gold and amber hues in the sunset - or the funny lilt in our best friends voice.  And, we must record it somehow.  In a journal, in a letter, on a canvas, in a song, through a new twist to an old recipe - but, we must feed our creative selves - or risk becoming crippled and shut down from the newness of the world.

Children see things through a fresh perspective.  They embrace newness - and are unafraid to try and draw anything at all.  Ask a child, who's young enough to still have their artist intact, and they'll draw dinosaurs and helicopters and all sorts of things that as adults we say are "too hard" to draw.  

Who was it that told us that we aren't creative?  When was it that we began to believe that we didn't have anything of worth to say?  Why is it that it's easier to allow that inner artist to starve in the back corner of our minds - than it is to embrace and encourage creativity?

I assume it came along with the stereotypes that we all learned about artists - as dreamers - unstable, lazy, poor, unproductive people.  And, we assume that if we keep our opinions to ourselves, we can avoid disappointing or shocking anyone.  But, deep inside - we still have that desire to create.  If only we had the time, money, support, education, tools, support, freedom - THEN we'd be creative.  But, alas, we choose to believe that isn't for us - so we lock that desire away-hoping that disregard will do the trick.  

When that inner artist begins to ache, we then reach for an anesthetic - TV, food, drinks, drugs, defensiveness, adoption of the mass culture - anything to deny who we truly are and to keep us out of touch with our own original selves - our true nature.  After all, THAT part of who we are tends to be unorthodox - outside of the box - and we can't have any of that now, can we?

I say we can.  I say it's time to embrace that crippled creative child in the corner - and listen to what her raspy whisper has to tell me.  In time, she will be stronger - and as I re-open my mind and my eyes to the beauties of the world around me - she will be fulfilled.  

Creativity isn't just making things - it is to see and feel the world so purposefully that you can put together patterns that help to explain reality to the rest of the world.  It means to be fully present and alive - in the moment - and to recognize and celebrate the beauty all around us.

This year, I've decided that my eyes will be opened - and that my creativity will be nursed back to health.  No longer will I stifle the longing to write - or paint - or draw - or act.  My plan?  To set an appointment with myself for each day - which I will honor in the same way that I honor a Doctors Appointment or a Sales Meeting.  But, to make sure that it's done in the spirit of childlike wonder - I'm declaring this time "Recess".

That's right - each day, I'm setting aside 30 minutes to an hour for my very own recess.  In that time (which will be spent alone) - I will dance, or sing, or draw, or quiet my mind and explore to the recesses (corners) of my brain.  I'll begin recording these experiences and my musings in song or story - some of which I will share right here!

I hope you'll do the same - give yourself Recess each day- and that you'll share more of what you find back here, in the comments, with the rest of us.

"It is never too late to be what you might have been."  - George Eliot

For 2009 & Beyond...words of wisdom from John Lennon
Welcome to the new HillaryBanks.com site! I am so excited to finally have a place to call "my own" - and to write and post as I see fit! I'll be developing and working on this as a "work in progress" - so, I'm sure you'll see lots of progression and stages as I share with you a little bit of everything that's brewing in my brain. For now, enjoy a few of my older blogs - which I've imported from MySpace. I'll be posting all new and fresh material here - so be sure to remember this site (or bookmark it). I plan to update it at least weekly - if not more. For now, In the spirit of all things 2009-Below is a video that I want to share: