I just love this time of year. I always have. As a child, I played my Christmas records, year round, because they made me happy. That earned me the nickname "Christmas Queen" from my family. It's a title I still happily claim. There's not another time of year that makes me happier or brings more joy to my heart. There's just something so beautiful about how Christmas brings out the best in all of us. The warmth and kindness that so often gets pushed aside in other times of the year.
I think a lot about Baby Jesus. How innocent and tiny he was. And, how he was born into this world as a Saviour to us all. God humbled himself in such a way - as to clothe himself in flesh and blood and come to our world to show each and every one of us how to conduct ourselves on this planet Earth. He came to set an example - and to offer us salvation. He believed in humanity enough to allow himself to be vulnerable. A tiny baby born into the crudest of nurserys.
My sisters now have children of their own, and Christmas has taken on new meaning for us. As I hold these sweet babies, I look deep into their eyes - seeking to see a spark of their soul. I realize how fragile and precious life is - and I am amazed that God chose to come in the form of a babe. Who would've thought that the star maker would allow himself to be laid in a manger - and clothed in rags?
I thank God for Christmas - and for the tenderness it brings out in each of us.
I pray that God blesses you - this day - and every day. And, I pray that we all remember the sweetness and the vulnerability that God chose to bring himself into our world. May we all cherish and protect that tenderness in one another. For, that's one of the loveliest things about living.
I spent my Thanksgiving vacation driving to see my family in Oklahoma - and Janis Joplin accompanied me the entire way. This particular version of "Ball & Chain' has always been my favorite - because of the speech she gives at the end.
I've utilized her way of thinking to get me through a few different tough situations - when I wanted someone who I couldn't have. She taught me to relish the moments you do have - rather than cry about the ones you don't.
Preach it, Janis:
And I want someone that could tell me, tell me why
Just because I got to want your love
Honey, just because I got to need, need, need your love
I said I don't understand, honey, but I wanna chance to try
Try, try, try, try try try try
Honey when everybody in the world wants the same damn thing
When everybody in the world will need the same lonely thing
When I wanna work for your love, daddy.
When I wanna try for your love, daddy.
I don't understand how come you're gone, man.
I don't understand why half the world is still crying, man, when the other half of the world is still crying too, man, I can't get it together. If you got a cat for one day, man I mean, if you, say, say, if you want a cat for 365 days, right you ain't got him for 365 days, you got him for one day, man. well I tell you that one day, better be your life, man. because, you know, you can say, oh man, you can cry about the other 364, man, but you're gonna lose that one day, man, and that's all you've got. you gotta call that
Love, man. that's what it is, man. if you got it today you don't want it tomorrow, man, cause you don't need it, cause as a matter of fact, as we discovered in the train, tomorrow never happens, man. it's all the same fucking day, man.
So you gotta, when you wanna hold him,
You gotta hold him like it's the last minute in your life, baby.
And, I've traveled for my friend Jocelyn's wedding. We went to Las Vegas for her bachelorette party (nope, no pictures of that trip, folks) and then I traveled to Austin last weekend for the big wedding. (Which was LITERALLY the perfect wedding of all time.)
I walked home alone that night hailing a taxi in my bridesmaid dress in downtown Austin - and I was thinking just how awake I felt. How alive - and fully on my own. It was a rush of a realization - I'm still not certain it has settled into my brain, though.
One of the dearest friends of mine drove for hours to see me and he took me to a Gospel Brunch at "Hill's Dinner" - on South Congress in Austin. I had the Migas for $4 and it was delicious. They served their water and tea in large jars and everything was family style and friendly. The music was a fun addition to our morning coffee chat.
I just bought the dual anthology of American Splendor and More American Splendor and read nearly all of it on my flight home from TX to FL. The dude next to me commented on it for me - and bought me a glass of wine - so that was cool. And, I found myself laughing out loud several times. Usually the macabre times, you know me. But, there were plenty of those. And, I suppose why I kept turning the pages. There was a realization coming around the corner....and I just knew it.
I highly recommend reading the comics - or at least go to see American Splendor The Movie.
It's subtle good stuff. And, it leaves yu shaking your head grinning - and relating.
Thoughts on love are thoughts worth thinking. Even if they differ in philosophy or opinion. I believe they al speak to the vast power of love. Check it out:
"Maybe a guy could fall instantly in love, but I doubt it. I think love creeps over you like a warm feeling on a clear blue fall day. This person is in your thoughts most of the time-all of the time actually. You see her when you close your eyes, when you look off into the distance, when you pause from what you are doing and take adeep breath. You remember how her fingers felt when they touched you. The loved one becomes a part of you, the most important part. At least it is that way with me when I think of you." - Stephen Koontz
"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." -Aristotle
"True Love is to see forever in his eyes." -Me, Aged 16
"Love is a dog from hell..." -Bukowski
I've been defining my love on a few different scales - trying to see how it weighs out. Lemme know if you've got any feedback. ;)
"Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns."
George Eliot
I love fall - it seems to always arrive with such thunder and fanfare. The leaves remind us to celebrate colorfully as we change. Growing doesn't have to be painful. Sometimes it's nice to shed your foliage - and just lay yourself bare. It is at that time that you're most ready for a new beginning.
2 weeks off from work to go home and see my family in Oklahoma. I have three older sisters - and all three of them were expecting babies near the first of July - so I scheduled time to be home for all the arrivals. Turns out 2 of the 3 babies came early - so they were already ready and waiting when I arrived in OK.
I am now a very proud Auntie of four amazing children.
First, meet Will. He's already a globetrotter at 22 months - having lived in TX, OK, KY, and now TN. His Daddy is in the Coast Guard - so they get to see a lot of the world. As you can tell - he totally inherited my sense of style. I just love this lil' Dude.
Next, I'd like you to meet Makayla. She was born mid-June - and is currently giving Alvin the Chipmunk some serious competition for cutest chipmunk cheeks. She's cuddly, she's sweet - and she lives entirely too far away from me:
Then, there's Ike. Ike only listens to Beatles lullabies - and he loves to check out new sights and new sounds. He's very alert - always listening and looking. He was born on "The Day of the Performer" - (same day as Prince) - and I can tell, already - he's got an ear for good music. I like to think he got some of that from me...
Last, but certainly not least, Ace decided to make his earthly debut. He is very active, always kicking his feet and lifting his head to check things out. He decided to pee on me, to mark his territory, I guess - when I was helping to change his diaper. I have to say...I was surprisingly chill about this. I mean...I'm not going to say it was cute...but, I will say, I'm gonna give him heck about it when he grows up.
If I thought I knew what it felt like to be home-sick BEFORE these little guys decided to join the family - I was wrong. Because my missing home is like TEN times more, now that these little guys are here. I just want to hold 'em - and be the auntie that squeezes their sweet lil' cheeks. (There's no shame in my game, guys.)
It just so happened, that while I was home - it was the Cordell High School All-School reunion - which means I did get to see a few of my favorite folks from my not so glorious days in h.s. That was a ton of fun. The biggest head-trip for me was seeing the niece of my high-school boyfriend/first love. She looks so much like him - cute as a button. I've already started teaching her to appreciate the finer things in life, like FIJI - Meet LuLu:
All in all - it was an amazing two weeks.
I plan to spoil every one of these Sweeties.
And, if you're curious if seeing all of these babies has given me baby fever - no. I think witnessing my three sisters' deal with diapers, feeding and zero-sleep has been the best birth-control I've ever heard of.
I think I get the best of both worlds - I can play with 'em, spoil 'em - then send them home to their mommies. :) For now, I'm very happy and content being an Auntie.
I've returned to work from a 2-week vacation that took me from Texas to Oklahoma, then back to Florida.
Both of my older sisters had their first children in July - and my step-sister had her first daughter - so I jokingly referred to my trip home as "Babypalooza" - but, it seriously was a baby filled two weeks - and I loved every moment of it!
Since returning to Florida from two blissful weeks of snuggling my nephews and laughing at their funny little baby babbles - I've been smacked in the face with a $#!t load of work that was "due yesterday". To say I'm "behind in my work" is an understatement.
Here's to praying that I can grasp ahold of some of the psychological and spiritual things that were developing for me over those 2 weeks - and that I can somehow grapple my work life into a managable balance.
I need balance. I need something that reminds me that I'm a part of something more.
So, even though it's Saturday - and I'm back in Miami Beach - I'm working today. Because maybe then I can get ahead. And, at some point, I'll develop that balance that everyone keeps talking about.
I hope the next time I write it's much more colorful and meaningful - but, for today - I'm blah...
My little sister, Haley, asked me to cover Miranda Lambert's "House That Built Me". I told her I thought it'd be too difficult for me to play - with my limited guitar skills. Turns out - I only had to learn 2 new chords! I learned it two nights ago - and yesterday morning, I allowed myself 30 minutes to practice - then record.
My friend and musical muse, Julia, introduced me to her song "In Sleep" - and I cried the first time I heard it.
She's self-taught, with honey blonde hair and a whisky kissed voice - and I've NEEDED to hear something like this for some time, now. Her lyrics speak for me.
I know you've heard "Bad Romance" more times than you've probably ever needed to - but, her cover of the song is so worth the over-exposure to the song, once more. She's pretty much my freakin' favorite performer of the moment - and, I don't want to rush into anything here - but, I think she could be a long-time love of mine. ;)
I particularly like this quick overview of where she's at now - and where's she's poised to go.
Maybe Perez will have her out to his SXSW party, next year - and I can see her perform live.
Summer is officially here - and I'm officially not ready for my bikini - which means, I'm sporting this retro one-piece until I can effectively get my tush into shape.
That's where my girl, Kaci Coble, comes in: she's got a blog with so much information on food, lifestyle, choices, attitudes, cooking tips, grocery shopping ideas - you name it. So...I'm gonna waddle my little fat heinie over to: http://www.kacicoble.com/ for some "Big, Fat Secrets".
'Cause really - I prefer wearing a one-piece.
Wish me luck - and some self-discipline wouldn't hurt, either.
Lately, I've been taking recess - at least 15-20 minutes a day - and either learning new songs on the guitar (which you've seen on my videos)- or looking for musical gems. They don't have to be new songs- they just have to help me feel, again.
I've been pretty numb since I moved.
Lately, music has helped me re-claim some parts of me that I was denying. Kinda like a paraplegic that can still feel his phantom wings - I can still feel the amputated parts of my little dreams. They'd stopped even tingling - until music re-awoken them. I've forgotten how GOOD it feels to strap on a pair of headphones - drown out the world - and confront the way you really feel, head on.
The universe inside my mind is quite lovely - in a Tim Burton meets Ansel Adams sort of way. There's heartbreak there, too...but, I've found that it usually elicits my most brilliant ideas, my most creative work. Usually, as I lay in my bed - headphones blaring - I imagine whatever sort of dream I wish. Usually, there are sprawling fields, and if I run hard enough - I can soar above them. Sometimes music takes me away from the things that hurt - and sometimes, it brings things back for a re-visit. I can always feel my heart stretching wider during these sorts of soul sessions. I'm so thankful for these songs, most recently - because they're a lot like old friends. Reassuring and Truthful.
I've found a few songs that made me cry upon first listen.
"In Sleep" - by Lissie
I lay awake at night and pray Not to see the light of day I wonder how to behave right He has left me such a mess Counting to protest My mind can't get no rest
Fast asleep where I keep my memories Calling me out in dreams, He visits me What will be Will I see him again soon oh oh oh oh
Why am I so terrified of waking He's gone and I'm feel I've been forsaken In sleep is the only place I get to see him, get to love him
The scene, a city after dawn Becomes a field of corn And I've had this one before
Fast asleep where I keep my memories Calling me out in dreams, He visits me What will be Will I see him again soon oh oh oh oh
Why am I so terrified of waking He's gone and I'm feel I've been forsaken In sleep is the only place I get to see him, get to love him
I know that when the story ends, the one that's in my head, Well I'll be alone again
Why am I so terrified of waking he's gone and I feel I've been forsaken in sleep is the only place I get to see him, get to love him Be with him I love him, I love him, I love him
I've found a few that made my heart skip a beat.
"Heart Skipped a Beat" by The XX
Please don't say we're done When I'm not finished I could give you so much Make you feel, like never before Welcome, they said welcome to the floor
It's been a while And you've found someone better But I've been waiting too long to give this up The more I see, I understand But sometimes, I still need you
Sometimes, I still need you
I was struggling to get in Left waiting outside your door I was sure You'd give me more
No need to come to me When I can make it all the way to you You made it clear You weren't near Near enough for me
Heart skipped a beat And when I caught it you were out of reach But I'm sure, I'm sure You've heard if before
I've found a few that remind me that I really am happy to be alive.
"Objects of my Affection" by Peter, Bjorn, and John
I remember when, when i first moved here, A long time ago, ´cause i heard some song i used to hear back then, A lone time ago. I remember when, even further back, In another town, ´cause i saw something written i used to say back then, Hard to comprehend
And the question is, was i more alive Then than i am now? I happily have to disagree; I laugh more often now, i cry more often now, I am more me.
But of cause some days, i just lie around And hardly exist, And can´t tell apart what i´m eating From my hand or my wrist. ´cause flesh is flesh, flesh as flesh as flesh, The difference is thin. But life has a certian ability or breating new Life into me, So i breathe it in. It says here we are, and we all are here, And you still can make sense, If you just show up and present an honest face, Instead of that grin.
And the other day, this new friend of mine Said something to me "just because something starts differently, Doesn´t mean it´s worth less." And i soaked it in, how i soaked it in, How i soaked it in And just as to prove how right he was, Then you came. So i´m gonna give, yes i´m gonna give, I´m gonna give you a try, So i´m gonna give, yes i´m gonna give, I´m gonna give you a try
And, a couple that make me just feel really like dancing, jumping, laughing.
"Crown on the Ground" by Sleigh Bells
You never doubted it, You're so proud of it, (???) There's no doubt of it, You couldn't care less, You love goodness, You think it's endless, endless, endless, You think it's gotta diss, It doesn't bother us, No, nobody know never knew about it, And in the spotlight, You get to sit tight, You wanna hit that, ahh, ahh,
Set, set that crown on the ground and-ah, (x6) Ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah ah-ah, Ah, ah-ah, ah-ah,
You need to know how, To say you'll backtrack, Between the clear bag, Somewhere in your habitat, You have a little thing, You think you're bothering, The class is ending, ending, ending, You never did know, You don't wanna know, There's another show playing in your window, The perm'nent thought of you, Is (???) through, You're gonna have to, have to, have to,
Set, set that crown on the ground and-ah, (x6) Ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah ah-ah, Ah, ah-ah, ah-ah,
Both are far, distant dreams of mine - but, not for 'ol Hank Williams.
Today, on the news - they announced that Hank Williams will be receiving the Pulizer Prize, posthumously.
Isn't it funny that it took us 60 years to see his genius? In honor of 'ol Hank - I've learned a new song on the guitar - his song : "Wedding Bells". While it's rough - that's the way Hank would've preferred it, I think. Here's a video - in honor of Hank I chose a song for all of us who are "So Lonesome I Could Cry" -
The Lyrics to Wedding Bells:
I have the invitation that you sent me You wanted me to see you change your name I couldn't stand to see you wed another But dear, I hope you're happy just the same
Wedding bells are ringing in the chapel That should be ringing out for you and me Down the aisle with someone else you're walking Those wedding bells will never ring for me
I planned a little cottage in the valley I even bought a little band of gold I thought some day I'd place it on your finger But now the future looks so dark and cold
Wedding bells are ringing in the chapel I hear the children laughing out with glee At home alone I hang my head in sorrow Oh, wedding bells will never ring for me
I fancy that I see a bunch of roses A blossom from an orange tree in your hair While the organ plays 'I love you truly' Please let me pretend that I am there
Wedding bells are ringing in the chapel Ever since the day you set me free I knew someday that you would wed another But wedding bells will never ring for me
To learn more about Hank, and the Pulitzer Prize - check out this article from the BBC:
This weekend felt like a true weekend. A true recess. "Amen" to that. I needed it.
I needed some time - a whole 24 hours or so - that felt like my own.
Friday night, I went to a birthday party at a really fun place called, "Dolores, but you can call me Lolita". Any place with a name that adorable - HAS to be fun. PLUS, it was Evelyn's birthday, so - that pretty much equals best night ever.
All my new friends were there - and we laughed - a lot. It's fun looking back at the pictures from the night - because I can tell - I'm really coming into my own here in Miami - and I've met some really stellar people. I especially like this photo - of me with my friends - because there is just no telling what I just said to get that sorta reaction:
Saturday, Jack and I went to the Dog Beach off the Key Biscayne Bridge. We had so much fun! He was fetching and swimming and fetching and swimming for over two hours. And, then came the "salt water sickness". Poor baby got sick from gulping down all that salt water - and I have to say, the chaos on the beach with all these dogs getting sick....I kept waiting for Jim Carrey to walk through the scene at any minute. I'll spare you the photos - and just give you a cute shot of him AFTER the big day-on the ride home:
But, SUNDAY...Sunday kinda was amazing! First, Jack and I went for an hour long run. The flowers were out in full force - and it was beautiful:
I think Jack liked them:
I really liked the entrance to this home - but, my thumb decided to make it's debut into the photo:
Then, my friends and I got all dressed up and went to the US Polo Championship game about an hour and a half north of Miami in Wellington. It was fabulosity - my first polo match - and I savored every sip of the Veuve - and laughed and laughed.
How was your weekend? Have you figured out what you're doing for recess today?
What's that you ask? What am I doing for recess, today?
The first time I heard this song I was 14 or 15 years old. It immediately resonated with me then, because I always seemed to be the one burning with desire - and the boys I dated were "just not that into me". Fast-forward 14 more years - and this song still rings so true to my soul. It can be tough being so passionate. I think my mom says it best when she said I was "cursed with a big heart".
I hope you enjoy this cover of Tracy Chapman's "Smoke and Ashes" - this goes out to all those people who still believe that romance and passion are possible - and that all it takes is a little stoking the fire to make it last - always.
Jack is finding a spot to cozy up under the tree.
