I recently recorded a cover of The Mountain Goats song "Woke Up New".

I was inspired by their sound the summer of 07 -  I lived in CA.

Summer is officially here - and I'm officially not ready for my bikini - which means, I'm sporting this retro one-piece until I can effectively get my tush into shape.

That's where my girl, Kaci Coble, comes in: she's got a blog with so much information on food, lifestyle, choices, attitudes, cooking tips, grocery shopping ideas - you name it.  So...I'm gonna waddle my little fat heinie over to: http://www.kacicoble.com/ for some "Big, Fat Secrets".

'Cause really - I prefer wearing a one-piece.

Wish me luck - and some self-discipline wouldn't hurt, either.

It's no secret - I'm a hopeless romantic.

I think a lot about my future husband - and how lucky we will be - one day.

So, this song really resonates with me :

While I am not Morman, I do so appreciate Stephanie Nielson - and I adore her blog: www.nieniedialogues.com

She was flying with her husband, when the plane crashed - and burned her terribly.  Watch and your heart will grow two sizes, I bet:

Me: What's up?

You: What did you do for recess, this morning?

Me: This....

Thank you for listening to me bumble about on the guitar. 

I love you, guys. 

Lately, I've been taking recess - at least 15-20 minutes a day - and either learning new songs on the guitar (which you've seen on my videos)- or looking for musical gems.  They don't have to be new songs- they just have to help me feel, again.

I've been pretty numb since I moved. 

Lately, music has helped me re-claim some parts of me that I was denying.  Kinda like a paraplegic that can still feel his phantom wings - I can still feel the amputated parts of my little dreams.  They'd stopped even tingling - until music re-awoken them.  I've forgotten how GOOD it feels to strap on a pair of headphones - drown out the world - and confront the way you really feel, head on.

The universe inside my mind is quite lovely - in a Tim Burton meets Ansel Adams sort of way.  There's heartbreak there, too...but, I've found that it usually elicits my most brilliant ideas, my most creative work.  Usually, as I lay in my bed - headphones blaring - I imagine whatever sort of dream I wish.  Usually, there are sprawling fields, and if I run hard enough - I can soar above them.  Sometimes music takes me away from the things that hurt - and sometimes, it brings things back for a re-visit.  I can always feel my heart stretching wider during these sorts of soul sessions.  I'm so thankful for these songs, most recently - because they're a lot like old friends.  Reassuring and Truthful.

I've found a few songs that made me cry upon first listen. 

"In Sleep" - by Lissie

I lay awake at night and pray
Not to see the light of day
I wonder how to behave right
He has left me such a mess
Counting to protest
My mind can't get no rest

Fast asleep where I keep my memories
Calling me out in dreams,
He visits me
What will be
Will I see him again soon
oh oh oh oh

Why am I so terrified of waking
He's gone and I'm feel I've been forsaken
In sleep is the only place I get to see him, get to love him

The scene, a city after dawn
Becomes a field of corn
And I've had this one before

Fast asleep where I keep my memories
Calling me out in dreams,
He visits me
What will be
Will I see him again soon
oh oh oh oh

Why am I so terrified of waking
He's gone and I'm feel I've been forsaken
In sleep is the only place I get to see him, get to love him

I know that when the story ends,
the one that's in my head,
Well I'll be alone again

Why am I so terrified of waking
he's gone and I feel I've been forsaken
in sleep is the only place I get to see him, get to love him
Be with him
I love him, I love him, I love him

I've found a few that made my heart skip a beat. 

"Heart Skipped a Beat" by The XX

Please don't say we're done
When I'm not finished
I could give you so much
Make you feel, like never before
Welcome, they said welcome to the floor

It's been a while
And you've found someone better
But I've been waiting too long to give this up
The more I see, I understand
But sometimes, I still need you

Sometimes, I still need you

I was struggling to get in
Left waiting outside your door
I was sure
You'd give me more

No need to come to me
When I can make it all the way to you
You made it clear
You weren't near
Near enough for me

Heart skipped a beat
And when I caught it you were out of reach
But I'm sure, I'm sure
You've heard if before

I've found a few that remind me that I really am happy to be alive. 

"Objects of my Affection" by Peter, Bjorn, and John

I remember when, when i first moved here,
A long time ago,
´cause i heard some song i used to hear back then,
A lone time ago.
I remember when, even further back,
In another town,
´cause i saw something written i used to say back then,
Hard to comprehend

And the question is, was i more alive
Then than i am now?
I happily have to disagree;
I laugh more often now, i cry more often now,
I am more me.

But of cause some days, i just lie around
And hardly exist,
And can´t tell apart what i´m eating
From my hand or my wrist.
´cause flesh is flesh, flesh as flesh as flesh,
The difference is thin.
But life has a certian ability or breating new
Life into me,
So i breathe it in.
It says here we are, and we all are here,
And you still can make sense,
If you just show up and present an honest face,
Instead of that grin.

And the other day, this new friend of mine
Said something to me
"just because something starts differently,
Doesn´t mean it´s worth less."
And i soaked it in, how i soaked it in,
How i soaked it in
And just as to prove how right he was,
Then you came.
So i´m gonna give, yes i´m gonna give,
I´m gonna give you a try,
So i´m gonna give, yes i´m gonna give,
I´m gonna give you a try

And, a couple that make me just feel really like dancing, jumping, laughing.

"Crown on the Ground" by Sleigh Bells

 You never doubted it,
You're so proud of it,
(???)
There's no doubt of it,
You couldn't care less,
You love goodness,
You think it's endless, endless, endless,
You think it's gotta diss,
It doesn't bother us,
No, nobody know never knew about it,
And in the spotlight,
You get to sit tight,
You wanna hit that, ahh, ahh,

Set, set that crown on the ground and-ah, (x6)
Ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah ah-ah,
Ah, ah-ah, ah-ah,

You need to know how,
To say you'll backtrack,
Between the clear bag,
Somewhere in your habitat,
You have a little thing,
You think you're bothering,
The class is ending, ending, ending,
You never did know,
You don't wanna know,
There's another show playing in your window,
The perm'nent thought of you,
Is (???) through,
You're gonna have to, have to, have to,

Set, set that crown on the ground and-ah, (x6)
Ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah ah-ah,
Ah, ah-ah, ah-ah,

Both are far, distant dreams of mine - but, not for 'ol Hank Williams.

Today, on the news - they announced that Hank Williams will be receiving the Pulizer Prize, posthumously.

Isn't it funny that it took us 60 years to see his genius?  In honor of 'ol Hank - I've learned a new song on the guitar - his song : "Wedding Bells".  While it's rough - that's the way Hank would've preferred it, I think.  Here's a video - in honor of Hank I chose a song for all of us who are "So Lonesome I Could Cry" -

The Lyrics to Wedding Bells:

I have the invitation that you sent me
You wanted me to see you change your name
I couldn't stand to see you wed another
But dear, I hope you're happy just the same

Wedding bells are ringing in the chapel
That should be ringing out for you and me
Down the aisle with someone else you're walking
Those wedding bells will never ring for me

I planned a little cottage in the valley
I even bought a little band of gold
I thought some day I'd place it on your finger
But now the future looks so dark and cold

Wedding bells are ringing in the chapel
I hear the children laughing out with glee
At home alone I hang my head in sorrow
Oh, wedding bells will never ring for me

I fancy that I see a bunch of roses
A blossom from an orange tree in your hair
While the organ plays 'I love you truly'
Please let me pretend that I am there

Wedding bells are ringing in the chapel
Ever since the day you set me free
I knew someday that you would wed another
But wedding bells will never ring for me

To learn more about Hank, and the Pulitzer Prize - check out this article from the BBC:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/news/2010/04/100413_hank_williams_wt_sl.shtml

This weekend felt like a true weekend.  A true recess.  "Amen" to that.  I needed it.  

I needed some time - a whole 24 hours or so - that felt like my own.

Friday night, I went to a birthday party at a really fun place called, "Dolores, but you can call me Lolita".  Any place with a name that adorable - HAS to be fun.  PLUS, it was Evelyn's birthday, so - that pretty much equals best night ever.  

All my new friends were there - and we laughed - a lot.  It's fun looking back at the pictures from the night - because I can tell - I'm really coming into my own here in Miami - and I've met some really stellar people.  I especially like this photo - of me with my friends - because there is just no telling what I just said to get that sorta reaction: 

Saturday, Jack and I went to the Dog Beach off the Key Biscayne Bridge.  We had so much fun!  He was fetching and swimming and fetching and swimming for over two hours.  And, then came the "salt water sickness".  Poor baby got sick from gulping down all that salt water - and I have to say, the chaos on the beach with all these dogs getting sick....I kept waiting for Jim Carrey to walk through the scene at any minute.  I'll spare you the photos - and just give you a cute shot of him AFTER the big day-on the ride home:

But, SUNDAY...Sunday kinda was amazing!  First, Jack and I went for an hour long run.  The flowers were out in full force - and it was beautiful:

I think Jack liked them:

I really liked the entrance to this home - but, my thumb decided to make it's debut into the photo:

Then, my friends and I got all dressed up and went to the US Polo Championship game about an hour and a half north of Miami in Wellington.  It was fabulosity - my first polo match - and I savored every sip of the Veuve - and laughed and laughed. 

How was your weekend?  Have you figured out what you're doing for recess today?

What's that you ask?  What am I doing for recess, today?  

Well, I'm gonna try and Skype this guy:

The first time I heard this song I was 14 or 15 years old.  It immediately resonated with me then, because I always seemed to be the one burning with desire - and the boys I dated were "just not that into me".  Fast-forward 14 more years - and this song still rings so true to my soul.  It can be tough being so passionate.  I think my mom says it best when she said I was "cursed with a big heart".

I hope you enjoy this cover of Tracy Chapman's "Smoke and Ashes" - this goes out to all those people who still believe that romance and passion are possible - and that all it takes is a little stoking the fire to make it last - always.

This is my dog, Jack. I found him on Craigslist.com in Houston, TX - and knew right away that he and I would get along. He's my best friend.

Sometimes, I think I want to write a story about him - Jacques the Adventurer - always keen, a daring explorer.

If I were to write a picture book - I'd draw him something like this:

He's alway up for an adventure, and Jack likes to ride-shot gun.  In fact, once when he travelled from Southeast Texas to Birmingham, Alabama (and back!) - he earned the nickname "Shotgun Jackie". 

Then, there was the time that he rode all the way from Houston to Miami Beach on a feather bed.  Jacques the Explorer was especially comfortable on that trek.

Jack likes to smack.  Especially when you're eating the best Breakfast Taco ever at Jo's in Austin's SoCo area.

 

Jack DOESN'T like hats:

See?

But, he DOES love the water...

And, he DOES love naps.

I bet Jacques is off exploring - even in his dreams, tonight.

Believe it or not, this is the view from my Doctor's office.  Just another one of the perks of living near the water.  

I've been so busy with work - I guess I just ran my immune system into the ground, because I am very sick today.  I went to the doctor, yesterday - and after several needle pricks - and a prescription for an antibiotic - I'm back home and hopefully on the mend.  (It doesn't really feel like it, just yet- but, ANY MINUTE now - I just know those antibiotics are going to kick in.)

Being so busy with work - I haven't made time for recess.  And, for those of you who are just joining my blog - that's the whole point of this slice of cyber-space: to encourage each of us, as adults to honor ourselves and that enthusiastic inner child - and practice recess each day.  Recess can be anything you want it to be - as long as it's what YOU want to do.  And, it can be 15 minutes or a whole day - really - beause, who's going to tell you "no" - besides you?  

So, I haven't been practicing recess - I've been using the excuse that my work is thrilling enough - that I'm always encountering something new and inspiring.  And, it is : but, that's still no reason to flake out on "me" time.  So, now that I'm sick and run down from pushing entirely too hard this past month - I am feeling quite passionately about re-instating recess.  :)  I think my dog, Jack, feels pretty passionately about this, too - because he's constantly looking intently out the window:

So, this weekend, I did spend some time in the ocean - and it's always healing for me.  I like to let my senses be completely immersed in the moment.  The water clapping into the shore with such a thunderous noise - it was like a thousand people giving a standing ovation.  The saltiness of the air - and its' taste on my lips.  The grittiness of the sand - massaging my insoles.  The silence of diving in underwater - and allowing the tide to wash me around in its dance.  I love being near the water - I love spending time in nature.  The world is such an amazing place - and too much concrete can tend to dry up my heart - and make it ache.  

So, even though - today may not be the day for another beach excursion (since I'm sick and all) - I can go there in my mind - and I've got the entire thing recorded, mentally.  Right down to the salt on my lips.  And, tomorrow - when my antibiotics kick in...well, who knows - we may just grab the sidewalk chalk and go outside!

What are your plans for recess this week?  

I've been teaching myself to play guitar - and this is one I just started learning, yesterday.

It's a cover of Taylor Swift's "White Horse".  We'll see how it goes.  If you guys like this sort of thing - let me know and maybe I'll post more videos like it.

Here goes nothin':

Going from being in a committed relationship for 5 years - to being single - there is a void - a vaccuum created within my heart.  I long to feel love - and finding myself on the road alone so often - there are weeks that go by without so much as a hug.  So handshakes suffice, for now - and I've learned that turning my attention outward to others is the best antidote to a heart ache.  Rather than focusing on what I don't have - I've been focusing on what I do have.  What's that, you say?  I have an abundance of love to share.  So, I've been focusing my attention on the divine in each of us.  Finding something to love about each and every person really isn't so hard, if you're looking for it.  It's kinda like a personal "Where's Waldo" game that I play with myself, each day.  "What's loveable about this person?" - "What's absolutetly adorable about what they're doing?" 

Oftentimes, I'll catch people picking up trash, that they weren't responsbile for littering.  Or opening doors for the ladies.  Or giving up their seat on the bus for a pregnant mother.  I see acts of kindness all the time that are worth noticing - worth acknowledging.  So, I do.  If I see a dude open a door for an older woman who is struggling with its' weight - I point it out to him.  I thank him.  And, really - we all three walk away smiling.

It's these moments that are brightening my days - and lightening my steps. 

So, when I ran across this poem, yesterday - I just had to share:

I Wonder

I wonder what would happen if

I treated everyone like I was in love

with them, whether I like them or not

and whether they respond or not and no matter

what they say or do to me and even if I see

things in them which are ugly twisted petty

cruel vain deceitful indifferent, just accept

all that and turn my attention to some small

weak tender hidden part and keep my eyes on

that until it shines like a beam of light

like a bonfire I can warm my hands by and trust

it to burn away all the waste which is not

never was my business to meddle with.

-Derek Tasker

Go forth with love today. 

I love you.

Thank you for reading my ramblings.

Sincerely,

Hillary

People are always asking me what I do for a living - so I thought I'd offer a glimpse into my work-life with this post.

The month of March is always a doozie for me, in the Events World.  For example, last year - I was on the road for 28 days straight.  This year, I caught a break - it was only 14 days on the road.  (heh)

But, all that hard work definitely pays off - in ways I would've never imagined.  I started out the month with a trip to Austin, TX for their annual South by Southwest (SxSW) - I got a chance to see my two best friends, Julia and Margeaux - AND we got to see some incredible bands live - inbetween all the madness of event hosting that is part of my job.  The highlight, for me, was Perez Hilton's "One Night in Austin" event.  Perez is a gracious hostess - always very kind to me in person - which really isn't what you would expect from the man - since he makes his living making fun of celebrities.  But, we had a great time - and he had a great line-up! 

We saw Macy Gray: I loved her "Dream Girls" style sound - lots of vocal harmonies and danceable tunes.

*this photo is courtesty of PerezHilton.com

And, Snoop Dogg rocked the house with a cover of Cypress Hill's "Jump Around": I jumped around.

*this photo is also courtesy of PerezHilton.com

Then, there was "Miss World" - Courtney Love - who brought tears to my eyes with her performance.

I saw her in the fall of 2008 in LA and she looked so sick and emaciated - this year, she was healthy strong, and in full-form.  She's back - folks - and she put on one KILLER performance:

My friend, Margeaux, tested out the FIJI Water cupcakes at the Party...you know...just to make sure they tasted okay.  Not to worry - they were delicious.  :)

And, lots of folks really enjoyed them:

And, I got to spend a little time with my favorite New Yorker, Ed.  He and his brother are the driving force behind all of those Perez Hilton extravaganza parties.  They're so talented - and such hard workers.  Just truly an inspiration to me:

After SxSW - I loaded up my bags and flew directly to Orlando, Florida for the Tavistock Cup.  That's a golf tournament held at Isleworth Country Club - and if that sounds familiar to you - it should - that's where Tiger lives.  ;)  No, he didn't play in the tournament, this year, but I did see him there last year. 

The Tavistock Cup was a lot of fun, and a lot of hard work - especially after all those late nights in Austin.  But, our FIJI Water models were fantastic - and, I was so pleased with the way we styled them.  I thought they looked GREAT!

The day look:

The Night look:

Once that was over - I packed up my things and headed "home" to Miami Beach for Winter Music Conference (WMC) - which was 5 days of madness.  And when I say madness, I mean Madness.  For a girl that usually goes to bed at 10:30 pm - I didn't make it to my bed until 5 or 6 am most nights - which is the reason why I'm still recovering.  Sheeesh.

But, I got to see Steve Aoki, Macy Gray, Mary J Blige, DJ Diplo, Kelis, Randy Jackson, Mya...it was just out of this world.

*Photo courtesy of RedLight photography

And, I had a little time to hang with my new Miami friends:

So, all-in-all, it was a month to remember - and I'm so thankful for the job I have. 

You know what else I'm thankful for?  The fact that this marathon month is over - and I'm home with my doggie and my own comfy bed!  :) 

It's now been two and a half months since Jack (my dog) and I moved to Miami Beach, FL.  I like it here - and Jack seems to really enjoy it, too.  

But, for all intents and purposes - I must admit: 

Moving here was one of the more difficult things I've ever had to do.

In Texas, I had a home, my own yard, a romantic relationship, lots of fun things I liked to do and great friends.  The idea of starting over in a new place was so incredibly daunting to me - I didn't see where I'd find the strength to do it.  And, honestly, I was fearful.  Blame it on watching one too many episodes of CSI: Miami - but, my mind would immediately jump to the dangers of being on my own in such a large city.  But, work called - and I really didn't have much of a choice in the matter.  I felt afraid - backed into a corner - without any options.

I would constantly beat myself up, saying things in my head like, "When you were younger, you were so much more adventurous - what's the deal?  Why are you so scared to move, again?"  After all, I had moved to London - on my own - when I was 22.  But, I think there's something innate about growing up - and resisting change.  Like we start to establish roots in one place, and then we're afraid that if we're transplanted, we'll shrivel and die.

I expected the worst - and that made moving all that much more scary.

I kept asking myself, "Where's your sense of adventure?  Your courage?  Why are you so fearful, now?"  But, looking back, now, I see that courage is so much more than a lack of fear.  Courage is having fear - but, pushing past it and doing what you're afraid of, anyway.  Breaking through your own self-doubt - and stepping forward in faith.  So, I'm much gentler to myself, mentally, nowadays - and I'm quite proud that once again - I've lived through "starting over" - and have found some semblance of happiness on the other side.

I'm 29, and I always assumed I'd have my own family by now.  I envisioned a life somewhere deep in the south, with a home, a dog, a loving (and doting) husband, etc....etc.

My life is a far cry from that dream, right now.  And, yes - my heart does ache for that.  I think it's only natural that I want to belong to someone - someplace.  I, too, want to feel as though my life is a positive contribution to this world.  And, being a wife and mother is so often what we equate to being a successful woman.  By leaving Texas, I felt that I was moving myself further from that end - and that's what made me cry.  That's what made me fearful.  

But, I'm slowly making peace with the fact that I'm "not where I thought I'd be".  And, I'm starting to understand that perhaps "that" life isn't what God intended for me.  Maybe I'm not meant to be a wife or a mother - maybe I'm just meant to be a worker, a writer, a dog-owner, a sister, and a good friend.  At least, it seems that's all I'm meant to be right now.  And, really - I'm okay with that - because it takes all the energy and focus I have to manage those things.

So, I float my little boat out on the ocean of life - and I keep looking for my island to appear on the horizon - the one that sings to my heart "you belong here".  And, faithfully, I believe that if I keep pushing past the fear - something joyous and beautiful awaits just beyond where the ocean meets the sky.

Wow.

March came roaring in like a lion - and I've been so crazed with event planning for work - that I haven't had a moment to really stop and just breathe.  Mostly, I think this is a good thing - because the moment I do slow down - I start missing Texas and the life that I had there.  Nights like Sid and Carla's cowboy wedding were things I'll just never be able to forget.  I mean - where else, but Texas, would you get to camp out after a wedding?

 

Not that there's anything wrong with Miami...in fact, I kinda love it here - but, there's a few special folks in Texas that I just can't seem to get enough of.  (You know who you are.)

I guess, my life is just like that...making friends - then, moving on.  Because I remember feeling this same way about all my Oklahoma friends, when I moved to Texas.  And, the truth is...the one's that really cared about me - still care.  And, they are still as much a part of my life, now - as they were when I was in Oklahoma.  (I spoke to a couple of you this past weekend, thank goodness!)

So, I take consolation in that, now.  My Texas friends who really care about how I am and what I'm doing - they still call, or email, or text.  Something to say, "I'm thinking about you." 

I'm also coming to accept the fact that some people who I thought would ALWAYS be a part of my life - don't want to be.  Not because of my choice - but their own.  This is a VERY tough pill to swallow.  In fact, I can't swallow it.  I just sorta choke it back down and it sticks in my throat, daily.  Maybe one day soon enough - it'll finally sink in.  (Please, God- if you hear me...help me.)

No one wants to think that there's a person out there who would rather NOT hear from you...and, for some reason with me - it always goes that way for me.  As a matter of fact, I can think of a handful of people who will no longer talk to me in any way , shape or form.  This hurts my heart more than I can explain.  I pray to release the burden of worrying about it - because the truth is, I don't think I'll ever understand how a person can discard another person.  Ah, but, there a lots of people that are capable of doing this.  How do I know?  Because I've been discarded more than I'd like to recount - especially recently.

I guess what I'm saying is: please remember.  Please remember the people who've impacted your life in some positive way.  And, if you're thinking about them - let them know!  Don't discard them - just because they moved - or got a different job - or your relationship evolved from one type to another...

Lonliness is really simple to cure - you just have to step outside of yourself and be there for someone else.  At least, that's what I'm telling myself, nowadays.

So...who are you going to call today - just to say 'hi'?  Go on...your Grandma's been waiting to hear from you...

...and, I guess I didn't listen. 

Everyone said - "After you've been in Miami for a few weeks - it'll hit you like a ton of bricks."  Guess the honeymoon's over - because yesterday was exhausting.  And, yes - I DID cry on a conference call, yesterday.  Sometimes - you just can't choke the tears down.  It was more out of frustration, than anything...but, still - who is going to take a bawl-baby seriously on a conference call.  I mean...talk about EMBARASSING.

But, then...my roomie came home and cheered me up with pictures and videos from our most recent weekend of activity.  And, just like that - I was laughing, again.

Thank God for good friends!

She leaves me speechless - but, buzzing with thought and inspiration. She's so much more than what I anticipated her to be - she's truly talented WITH substance! Gorgeous. I believe Lady Gaga is doing a pretty neat job of claiming her identity - and has assumed the role of the lead player in HER life. We could all take a lesson in that.

Jack and I like to take walks around Miami Beach.  There is so much to see - that we're constantly stopping to check something out.  Not really good for cardio, but totally excellent for wandering minds..

Miami is defined by its' architecture - and I love all of the Art Deco influences - combined with Tropical Colors, to make a quintissential Miami "look".  I find myself staring at the sconces and lettering - I imagine who used to live inside of these buildings when they were erected 60 years ago (or more).  I think about the people who've come and gone from their walls - and I wonder if anyone will ever wonder about what life was like in my little room on the beach.

There is so much to discover - so much to explore.  All the more reason why I will honor my OWN time - and ensure that recess happens.  There's just too much right outside of my door!

Tomorrow is Sunday - and Jack and I plan to get up early so we can make the most of it!  Enjoy your weekend - and thanks for stopping by!