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Books I've Been Reading
  • Life on Earth: Understanding Who We Are, How We Got Here, and What May Lie Ahead
    Life on Earth: Understanding Who We Are, How We Got Here, and What May Lie Ahead
    by Mike Dooley
  • The Japanese Art of Reiki: A Practical Guide to Self-Healing
    The Japanese Art of Reiki: A Practical Guide to Self-Healing
    by Bronwen Stiene, Frans Stiene
  • What's Your What?
    What's Your What?
    by Julie Moret
  • California: Then and Now®: People and Places
    California: Then and Now®: People and Places
    Pavilion
  • Security is a Thumb and a Blanket (Peanuts)
    Security is a Thumb and a Blanket (Peanuts)
    by Charles M. Schulz
  • The Voice of Rolling Thunder: A Medicine Man's Wisdom for Walking the Red Road
    The Voice of Rolling Thunder: A Medicine Man's Wisdom for Walking the Red Road
    by Sidian Morning Star Jones, Stanley Krippner Ph.D.
  • Myths of the Cherokee
    Myths of the Cherokee
    by James Mooney
  • What to Do When it's Your Turn (and it's Always Your Turn)
    What to Do When it's Your Turn (and it's Always Your Turn)
    by Seth Godin
  • Working Class Mystic: A Spiritual Biography of George Harrison
    Working Class Mystic: A Spiritual Biography of George Harrison
    by Gary Tillery
  • Other People's Love Letters: 150 Letters You Were Never Meant to See
    Other People's Love Letters: 150 Letters You Were Never Meant to See
    by Bill Shapiro
  • Beatitude Golden Anniversary 1959-2009 (Beatitude Literary Magazine, Volume 50)
    Beatitude Golden Anniversary 1959-2009 (Beatitude Literary Magazine, Volume 50)
    by Allen Ginsberg, Jack Kerouac
  • Where the Sidewalk Ends: Poems and Drawings
    Where the Sidewalk Ends: Poems and Drawings
    by Shel Silverstein
  • Do One Thing Every Day That Scares You: A Journal
    Do One Thing Every Day That Scares You: A Journal
    by Robie Rogge, Dian Smith
  • PostSecret: Confessions on Life, Death, and God
    PostSecret: Confessions on Life, Death, and God
    by Frank Warren
  • The Field and Forest Handy Book: New Ideas for Out of Doors (Nonpareil Book)
    The Field and Forest Handy Book: New Ideas for Out of Doors (Nonpareil Book)
    by Daniel Carter Beard, David R. Godine
  • American Girls Handy Book: How to Amuse Yourself and Others (Nonpareil Books)
    American Girls Handy Book: How to Amuse Yourself and Others (Nonpareil Books)
    by Lina Beard, Adelia Beard
  • The Secret Language of Birthdays: Your Complete Personology Guide for Each Day of the Year
    The Secret Language of Birthdays: Your Complete Personology Guide for Each Day of the Year
    by Gary Goldschneider, Joost Elffers
  • American Splendor and More American Splendor: The Life and Times of Harvey Pekar
    American Splendor and More American Splendor: The Life and Times of Harvey Pekar
    by Harvey Pekar
  • I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence
    I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence
    by Amy Sedaris
  • A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: How I Learned to Live a Better Story
    A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: How I Learned to Live a Better Story
    by Donald Miller
  • The Growing Edge
    The Growing Edge
    by Howard Thurman
  • Mind as Healer Mind as Slayer: A Holistic Approach to Preventing Stre
    Mind as Healer Mind as Slayer: A Holistic Approach to Preventing Stre
    by J.K
  • Kindred Spirits
    Kindred Spirits
    by Matthew & Terces Engelhart
  • Original Self: Living with Paradox and Originality
    Original Self: Living with Paradox and Originality
    by Thomas Moore
  • 1000 Ultimate Adventures
    1000 Ultimate Adventures
    by Lonely Planet
  • Last Words
    Last Words
    by George Carlin
  • Seriously...I'm Kidding
    Seriously...I'm Kidding
    by Ellen DeGeneres
  • Cash: The Autobiography
    Cash: The Autobiography
    by Johnny Cash
  • It Happened in Oklahoma (It Happened In Series)
    It Happened in Oklahoma (It Happened In Series)
    by Robert L. Dorman
  • Lost Austin (Images of America)
    Lost Austin (Images of America)
    by John H. Slate
  • Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion
    Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion
    by Gregory Boyle
  • Milk and Honey
    Milk and Honey
    by Rupi Kaur
  • Stuff I've Been Feeling Lately
    Stuff I've Been Feeling Lately
    by Alicia Cook
  • The Wild Unknown Tarot Deck and Guidebook (Official Keepsake Box Set)
    The Wild Unknown Tarot Deck and Guidebook (Official Keepsake Box Set)
    by Kim Krans
  • Sacred Geometry: Philosophy & Practice (Art and Imagination)
    Sacred Geometry: Philosophy & Practice (Art and Imagination)
    by Robert Lawlor
  • The Ultimate Guide to the Rider Waite Tarot
    The Ultimate Guide to the Rider Waite Tarot
    by Johannes Fiebig, Evelin Burger
Bringin' Home the Bacon (these are ads)
Thursday
Apr012010

I Wonder

Going from being in a committed relationship for 5 years - to being single - there is a void - a vaccuum created within my heart.  I long to feel love - and finding myself on the road alone so often - there are weeks that go by without so much as a hug.  So handshakes suffice, for now - and I've learned that turning my attention outward to others is the best antidote to a heart ache.  Rather than focusing on what I don't have - I've been focusing on what I do have.  What's that, you say?  I have an abundance of love to share.  So, I've been focusing my attention on the divine in each of us.  Finding something to love about each and every person really isn't so hard, if you're looking for it.  It's kinda like a personal "Where's Waldo" game that I play with myself, each day.  "What's loveable about this person?" - "What's absolutetly adorable about what they're doing?" 

Oftentimes, I'll catch people picking up trash, that they weren't responsbile for littering.  Or opening doors for the ladies.  Or giving up their seat on the bus for a pregnant mother.  I see acts of kindness all the time that are worth noticing - worth acknowledging.  So, I do.  If I see a dude open a door for an older woman who is struggling with its' weight - I point it out to him.  I thank him.  And, really - we all three walk away smiling.

It's these moments that are brightening my days - and lightening my steps. 

So, when I ran across this poem, yesterday - I just had to share:

 

I Wonder

I wonder what would happen if

I treated everyone like I was in love

with them, whether I like them or not

and whether they respond or not and no matter

what they say or do to me and even if I see

things in them which are ugly twisted petty

cruel vain deceitful indifferent, just accept

all that and turn my attention to some small

weak tender hidden part and keep my eyes on

that until it shines like a beam of light

like a bonfire I can warm my hands by and trust

it to burn away all the waste which is not

never was my business to meddle with.

-Derek Tasker

 

Go forth with love today. 

I love you.

Thank you for reading my ramblings.

Sincerely,

Hillary

Wednesday
Mar312010

Made it through March!

People are always asking me what I do for a living - so I thought I'd offer a glimpse into my work-life with this post.

The month of March is always a doozie for me, in the Events World.  For example, last year - I was on the road for 28 days straight.  This year, I caught a break - it was only 14 days on the road.  (heh)

But, all that hard work definitely pays off - in ways I would've never imagined.  I started out the month with a trip to Austin, TX for their annual South by Southwest (SxSW) - I got a chance to see my two best friends, Julia and Margeaux - AND we got to see some incredible bands live - inbetween all the madness of event hosting that is part of my job.  The highlight, for me, was Perez Hilton's "One Night in Austin" event.  Perez is a gracious hostess - always very kind to me in person - which really isn't what you would expect from the man - since he makes his living making fun of celebrities.  But, we had a great time - and he had a great line-up! 

We saw Macy Gray: I loved her "Dream Girls" style sound - lots of vocal harmonies and danceable tunes.

*this photo is courtesty of PerezHilton.com

And, Snoop Dogg rocked the house with a cover of Cypress Hill's "Jump Around": I jumped around.

*this photo is also courtesy of PerezHilton.com

Then, there was "Miss World" - Courtney Love - who brought tears to my eyes with her performance.

I saw her in the fall of 2008 in LA and she looked so sick and emaciated - this year, she was healthy strong, and in full-form.  She's back - folks - and she put on one KILLER performance:

My friend, Margeaux, tested out the FIJI Water cupcakes at the Party...you know...just to make sure they tasted okay.  Not to worry - they were delicious.  :)

And, lots of folks really enjoyed them:

And, I got to spend a little time with my favorite New Yorker, Ed.  He and his brother are the driving force behind all of those Perez Hilton extravaganza parties.  They're so talented - and such hard workers.  Just truly an inspiration to me:

After SxSW - I loaded up my bags and flew directly to Orlando, Florida for the Tavistock Cup.  That's a golf tournament held at Isleworth Country Club - and if that sounds familiar to you - it should - that's where Tiger lives.  ;)  No, he didn't play in the tournament, this year, but I did see him there last year. 

The Tavistock Cup was a lot of fun, and a lot of hard work - especially after all those late nights in Austin.  But, our FIJI Water models were fantastic - and, I was so pleased with the way we styled them.  I thought they looked GREAT!

The day look:

The Night look:

Once that was over - I packed up my things and headed "home" to Miami Beach for Winter Music Conference (WMC) - which was 5 days of madness.  And when I say madness, I mean Madness.  For a girl that usually goes to bed at 10:30 pm - I didn't make it to my bed until 5 or 6 am most nights - which is the reason why I'm still recovering.  Sheeesh.

But, I got to see Steve Aoki, Macy Gray, Mary J Blige, DJ Diplo, Kelis, Randy Jackson, Mya...it was just out of this world.

*Photo courtesy of RedLight photography

And, I had a little time to hang with my new Miami friends:

So, all-in-all, it was a month to remember - and I'm so thankful for the job I have. 

You know what else I'm thankful for?  The fact that this marathon month is over - and I'm home with my doggie and my own comfy bed!  :) 

 

Tuesday
Mar302010

New Horizons

It's now been two and a half months since Jack (my dog) and I moved to Miami Beach, FL.  I like it here - and Jack seems to really enjoy it, too.  

But, for all intents and purposes - I must admit: 

Moving here was one of the more difficult things I've ever had to do.

In Texas, I had a home, my own yard, a romantic relationship, lots of fun things I liked to do and great friends.  The idea of starting over in a new place was so incredibly daunting to me - I didn't see where I'd find the strength to do it.  And, honestly, I was fearful.  Blame it on watching one too many episodes of CSI: Miami - but, my mind would immediately jump to the dangers of being on my own in such a large city.  But, work called - and I really didn't have much of a choice in the matter.  I felt afraid - backed into a corner - without any options.

I would constantly beat myself up, saying things in my head like, "When you were younger, you were so much more adventurous - what's the deal?  Why are you so scared to move, again?"  After all, I had moved to London - on my own - when I was 22.  But, I think there's something innate about growing up - and resisting change.  Like we start to establish roots in one place, and then we're afraid that if we're transplanted, we'll shrivel and die.

I expected the worst - and that made moving all that much more scary.

I kept asking myself, "Where's your sense of adventure?  Your courage?  Why are you so fearful, now?"  But, looking back, now, I see that courage is so much more than a lack of fear.  Courage is having fear - but, pushing past it and doing what you're afraid of, anyway.  Breaking through your own self-doubt - and stepping forward in faith.  So, I'm much gentler to myself, mentally, nowadays - and I'm quite proud that once again - I've lived through "starting over" - and have found some semblance of happiness on the other side.

I'm 29, and I always assumed I'd have my own family by now.  I envisioned a life somewhere deep in the south, with a home, a dog, a loving (and doting) husband, etc....etc.

My life is a far cry from that dream, right now.  And, yes - my heart does ache for that.  I think it's only natural that I want to belong to someone - someplace.  I, too, want to feel as though my life is a positive contribution to this world.  And, being a wife and mother is so often what we equate to being a successful woman.  By leaving Texas, I felt that I was moving myself further from that end - and that's what made me cry.  That's what made me fearful.  

But, I'm slowly making peace with the fact that I'm "not where I thought I'd be".  And, I'm starting to understand that perhaps "that" life isn't what God intended for me.  Maybe I'm not meant to be a wife or a mother - maybe I'm just meant to be a worker, a writer, a dog-owner, a sister, and a good friend.  At least, it seems that's all I'm meant to be right now.  And, really - I'm okay with that - because it takes all the energy and focus I have to manage those things.

So, I float my little boat out on the ocean of life - and I keep looking for my island to appear on the horizon - the one that sings to my heart "you belong here".  And, faithfully, I believe that if I keep pushing past the fear - something joyous and beautiful awaits just beyond where the ocean meets the sky.

 

Friday
Mar122010

She makes me cry

Wow.
Monday
Mar082010

Manic Monday

March came roaring in like a lion - and I've been so crazed with event planning for work - that I haven't had a moment to really stop and just breathe.  Mostly, I think this is a good thing - because the moment I do slow down - I start missing Texas and the life that I had there.  Nights like Sid and Carla's cowboy wedding were things I'll just never be able to forget.  I mean - where else, but Texas, would you get to camp out after a wedding?

 

Not that there's anything wrong with Miami...in fact, I kinda love it here - but, there's a few special folks in Texas that I just can't seem to get enough of.  (You know who you are.)

I guess, my life is just like that...making friends - then, moving on.  Because I remember feeling this same way about all my Oklahoma friends, when I moved to Texas.  And, the truth is...the one's that really cared about me - still care.  And, they are still as much a part of my life, now - as they were when I was in Oklahoma.  (I spoke to a couple of you this past weekend, thank goodness!)

So, I take consolation in that, now.  My Texas friends who really care about how I am and what I'm doing - they still call, or email, or text.  Something to say, "I'm thinking about you." 

I'm also coming to accept the fact that some people who I thought would ALWAYS be a part of my life - don't want to be.  Not because of my choice - but their own.  This is a VERY tough pill to swallow.  In fact, I can't swallow it.  I just sorta choke it back down and it sticks in my throat, daily.  Maybe one day soon enough - it'll finally sink in.  (Please, God- if you hear me...help me.)

No one wants to think that there's a person out there who would rather NOT hear from you...and, for some reason with me - it always goes that way for me.  As a matter of fact, I can think of a handful of people who will no longer talk to me in any way , shape or form.  This hurts my heart more than I can explain.  I pray to release the burden of worrying about it - because the truth is, I don't think I'll ever understand how a person can discard another person.  Ah, but, there a lots of people that are capable of doing this.  How do I know?  Because I've been discarded more than I'd like to recount - especially recently.

I guess what I'm saying is: please remember.  Please remember the people who've impacted your life in some positive way.  And, if you're thinking about them - let them know!  Don't discard them - just because they moved - or got a different job - or your relationship evolved from one type to another...

Lonliness is really simple to cure - you just have to step outside of yourself and be there for someone else.  At least, that's what I'm telling myself, nowadays.

So...who are you going to call today - just to say 'hi'?  Go on...your Grandma's been waiting to hear from you...

 

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